I Trust In Him

Today I awoke and wondered if I would get a phone call from Dr. Hyacinth. Would the lump I've had for over a month be cancer or not? Today I awoke to a journal entry from a father I barely know. Would his eight year old daughter who unexpectedly went into heart failure have a good day today? Today I awoke to a text message from a dear friend who is sitting in a hospital room with her daughter for the umpteenth time. Would her daughter's breathing improve and the seizures stop? Today I awoke and dressed for my Wednesday with Seth Anderson. Seth has been a vital part of my life for fifteen years. This 21 year old young man has never ridden a bike, never eaten a piece of birthday cake and never spoken a word. But he has ministered to me more than any person I know. Would today be my last Wednesday to serve him? To be honest, there are some days that I would like to sleep through until the next sunrise. There are some days that my heart is heavy. My understanding of life is unclear and my questions are unanswered. But then I am reminded that I don't have to know all the answers. I am protected, loved and cherished by the one who does. Our world is full of things we don't understand. I shared on Sunday morning a revelation that challenged me to my very core. We were singing a song that says "I Trust in Him" and once again I asked myself, "Do you really?" It's so easy to love Jesus when everything is going great. It is so easy to trust Him when everything is in its place. But what about those times that you don't understand what He is doing? So the analogy I shared was about overpasses. My mind shot to Dallas/Fort Worth and the maze of underpasses and overpasses. It's like a ball of yarn that some genius engineer designed. Then he handed his plans off to a contractor who then instructed laborers. To be honest, I get a little overwhelmed thinking about the magnitude of that job. Can you imagine the responsibility and design efforts. But every time I go to Dallas I go under and I go over those passes. I don't stop mid-traffic and say,"I don't understand how this works, therefore I don't know if I can trust this structure to hold me and my precious cargo." No, I don't dare stop in mid-traffic in Dallas Texas. I put the pedal to the metal and stay on my course, TRUSTING that everyone who had a hand in this structure knew what they were doing. Have accidents happened and structures failed? Absolutely! Time, weather, environment and more have effected the strength of our highways. But I trust that it won't fail me. And I do that without even thinking about it. So why can't I trust the Creator of the Universe with my life? Does time, weather and environment put a toil on this body? Absolutely! Does God cause bad things to happen to good people? NO! But He does walk with us through those events. We live in an imperfect world, with imperfect people but we serve a perfect God who we can TRUST! My prayer for all of us is that it gets easier to do just that. I want to take those leaps of faith without hesitation. When I walk through those dark valleys, I want to walk with confidence that God has not left me. Because the truth is, "He will never leave us nor forsake us." I don't understand all that happens in this life. But I trust God has a plan that only He may know. I don't understand the job of a highway engineer but I trust his design will stand strong. But I tell you this, I trust God more than a mere man. I think we all do. It's just the process of letting go. Stop trying to figure it out and just drive this course of life without fear.

Update:

Me: I'm cancer free! Thank you Jesus!

Father's journal: "We live in a fallen world where pain and suffering are not strangers. But there is relief found in our Savior Jesus Christ. We thank God for our time here and for the love of so many people. His will be done. Still time for a miracle or a new heart."

Friends text: "Seizure free today! What is going on in LBK? (She was checking on me.) Hope all is well. Please, please let me know if you need anything. I will be right there. Love you more than you know." Amazed at her desire to be there for me even in her time of need.

Seth Anderson: He had a great day and I "get" to go back next Wednesday.

Psalm 39:5

"You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath." Make the most of today. Love more, give more and Trust more. We do not know what tomorrow holds.

Self Reflection

A couple of nights ago, Ty and I were in our bathroom getting ready for bed. Hudson walked in brushing his teeth and had toothpaste dripping from his chin. Ty quickly directed him to the sink so he could spit. Ty thought it would be a great opportunity to coach him a little in correct brushing. So Ty pulled out his toothbrush to demonstrate. I was brushing mine as well in my sink. In the middle of us all brushing, Ty instructs Hudson to change hands. I was viewing this whole situation in my mirror because the boys were behind me. I immediately jumped on Ty saying, "He doesn't use his left hand, he is right handed." Then it hit me to turn around. Ty was helping him move the toothbrush from the left hand to the right hand but the mirror had deceived me. From my view everything was backwards. Luckily, Ty didn't understand what I was saying so an argument didn't break out nor did I have to apologize for being wrong. Praise the Lord!!!! Isn't it hard to admit when we are wrong? But this experience caused me to take a long hard look at myself. Do I jump to conclusions too fast? Do I jump in the middle of things that do not concern me? Do I think my way is better than others? I think I'm going to keep my answers to myself. How about you? Perception is a funny thing. We all have one but we all think ours is the only one. At least the only one with any value or merit. I believe it is important for all of us to recognize our shortcomings. Have you judged someone too quickly? Have you let one bad experience dictate the direction of a relationship that was full of many great experiences? You could very well be seeing everything backwards. You could be wrong! Gasp.... Slow down and look at your situation from every angle. You may need to close your mouth, you may need to open it and apologize and you may need to take a long look in the mirror. The written Word of God is full of wisdom. Take a look at the following scriptures and see if they open your eyes to Truth.

James 1:22-24 Romans 12:19

Proverbs 10:19 Matthew 5:44

Proverbs 12:18

Proverbs 18:21